Rush Limbaugh Children’s Book: Rush Revere & The Brave Pilgrims

Related Article: Democratic Satire vs. Republican Conspiracies

In his new children’s book, only a dedicated man like Rush Limbaugh could cartoon his head onto Paul Revere and still keep a straight face.

Before detailing Limbaugh’s latest far-right review of history: for those who live outside of the republican bubble it’s important to know that “Rush Revere” is a common sales tool Limbaugh employs for all demographics, not just for children of the 21st Century Tea Party. The Rush Revere character that’s featured in Limbaugh’s time traveling children’s book is the same serially-smug bobblehead used in the 2011 launch of another product designed to strain money from his listeners: patriotic tea. I’m not kidding… there is a “Two if by Tea” (… how witty… ) advertisement below in this article for steely-eyed review and comparison. Rush has been working on this persona for awhile to brand and sell products to his followers, including the insulated “Two if by Tea” drink tumbler that often sells out, apparently….very likely it’s the most insulated on the market… one has to wade very carefully into this world.

Rush Limbaugh’s New Rush Revere Book

“Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans” is, as advertised, a history revisionist project via simple ghost writing directed at creating the future indoctrinated within the Limbaugh product empire. In the book we foresee themes of, “Take The Country Back!”, only republicans can be patriotic Americans, only republicans can be strong on defense, only republicans offer real Freedom, etc., etc., etc. It’s the same, “educated and/or city people”, versus “maybe-not-as-much educated and/or country people” battle that’s been cycling in the United States since ships first hit stone at Plymouth. It’s the same mandatory social division that’s basically been the cause of all community-sized to country-wide Civil Wars. It’s boring. It’s Old Man spiteful and Tired. It’s an argument that depends on humans being stubborn and stupid… and Rush Limbaugh makes millions of dollars from exploiting it every year.

Rush Limbaugh’s book, with his cartoon-horse-riding posse (…battling dangerous seas under a dark and dreadful sky, apparently…) can no longer claim birthrights to Lincoln, and even Ronald Reagan wouldn’t have made it out of the republican primary elections given the extreme social conservatism of the current Republican Party base. So in the republican jihad to purify their Party, now the headmaster of the far right looks like he’s trying to annex as many of the founding fathers as possible; as many Tea Party patriots as he can – anything to make a profit in Republicanland. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s ironic or coincidental that most of these men owned slaves.

Side note: Why is it that the far right is always battling something? It must be exhausting to constantly feel threatened by Explosions In The Sky that look like they’re about to destroy your home (and Horses) … we can all decide for ourselves what the dark and dangerous imagery is supposed to represent. It’s as if the most rabid within the republican base go to sleep every night trying to have nightmares in order to keep the hate-flame burning.

What is Rush Limbaugh’s children’s book about?

According to the author, “Rush Revere is a substitute school teacher at a middle school anywhere in America, and he will take a couple of students with him to the first Thanksgiving, and they will learn all about it. Again it is a unique way of reaching the target audience here, which is America’s young people — who are, sadly, not being taught what is in this book. And what’s in this book is the historical record, accurate historical record of the Pilgrims. It’s who they were, why they existed, where they were, how they got here, what they did when they got here, and what they did and why it mattered and related to the founding of this country.”

Rush Revere a substitute school teacher… sorry… distracted again. I also keep thinking about what religion teaches about humility, let alone throwing the first stone… or being a decent human.

Another comment from the author of “Brave Pilgrims”, the book “sets the record straight on American history…” What is it about republicans in this century slapping wildly with their eyes closed at history? How about we start using our time to work on a better future? You know… like Paul Revere and all those Pilgrims at “the first Thanksgiving” did. Change doesn’t go backwards, Rush. If you want to “fix” America, put the car in drive, not reverse (and don’t forget to open the door to the bunker).

We’ve all been acclimated to the Newt GingRich, re-writing history children’s book empire, but “Rush Revere” galloping into the fray of republican family indoctrination brings the business of maintaining the Republican information bubble to an entirely new level. Most of us, rightly so, are sporadically speechless when confronted Rush’s new book… those poor, poor 10-14 year-olds who get this as a gift from grandma this Christmas.

And what of that poor horse? I’m not kidding, this is an issue. Horses play vital roles in children’s books. Thus far, I have not been able to find the horse’s name, but I imagine the meaning will be telling, not surprising, and audacious in a paradigmatically Rush Limbaugh way. The look in that horse’s eyes appears as though it has just found itself teleported into Rush Limbaugh’s dream, where he’s standing proudly on a tiny Plymouth Rock facing stormy seas… that’s likely what this book really is: Rush Limbaugh’s inner-most dream in children’s book form – insight into his Id… (shake it off, try to forget about it).

What is sadly amazing about American culture is that this book will sell. It will sell a lot of copies. Rush Revere will profit wildly from this book no matter how creepy the cover is, and no matter how much everyone outside the republican bubble laugh or shudder.

“Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans” claims to teach children “…what’s not being taught” about early America. I’d say it’s very safe to assume that there are a lot of things that are not being taught about early America. We all re-write history a smidgen to airbrush our ancestry. Still, I wonder how much Rush Revere and his tumbler-n-tea-selling posse write about slavery… and witch hunts… and suffrage… or will this Rush Limbaugh dream-in-book-form be nothing more than a glorification of this well-known “substitute teacher” with a giant head?