Republican conspiracy theories are amazing legends, indeed… if the facts don’t go their way, just make up a new reality. It’s hard to keep up with them all, but a few include:
- China is taking over the Panama Canal!
- Any polling data that says republicans aren’t winning is skewed (we know how that one worked out now…)
- Not taking guns means they ARE taking your guns! (sneaky!)
- Obama = Stalin = Hitler and he’ll use UN helicopters to kidnap your children!
- Putting floride in the water is part of the communist plot to take over the world!
- The Muslim Brotherhood is infiltrating the State Department!!
- Sharia law is taking over America (and please look the other way while we use our own religion to legislate women parts)
- Obama forces the BLS to fake jobs reports!
- Obama is a Muslim!
- Rick Perry is Gay!
- Obama is gay (they have a thing about “the gay”)
- Democrats are suppressing the vote (whaaa?)
- The Great Culling is underway!!!!!
But basically it all boils down to this: fear, fear, fear, fear. Rush and Beck and Hannity use it to garner fans and advertising money, gun manufacturers use it to sell their products. There is a monetary purpose to creating endless conspiracy theories that feed the extreme right. The more afraid you are, the more wacky conspiracy theories become.
Children believing that mosters are under their beds… that’s just another conspiracy theory, really…. and it’s not any different than the right’s fear of Obama (a fear created by people who are trying to raise money or sell products as a result of the fear they are creating – we can’t forget the base motivation of the people who actually create these conspiracies).
Extreme republicans tend to behave the same way as children afraid of monsters – especially now that it appears they will forevermore be the minority belief system in the United States. Some down right refused to even watch the Inauguration because they think Obama, literally, is worse than Stalin and plans to become a dictator; ruling the United States like an arrogant king (… I’m not kidding… I was lectured on that particular conspiracy theory by a friend’s parents who live in TN after I asked if they watched the Inauguration speech).
Why don’t Democrats have legendary conspiracy theories like the republicans do?
Democrats use sarcasm and political satire, (John Stewart, Stephen Colbert, etc.) to understand political conflict. Republicans don’t possess that on a large scale. As such, Dems don’t need to have conspiracy theories to cope with the inability to understand “why republicans think differently than I do” – they laugh about it. Republicans, on the other hand, who don’t understand why democrats believe what they believe… don’t laugh… they create conspiracy theories to bridge that gap. It’s the only way many republicans can come to grips with WHY democrats don’t believe the same things they do.
If we weren’t so polarized in our belief systems, then conspiracy theories would decrease significantly. Extreme belief gaps cause people to create conspiracy theories as an attempt to keep order in their own belief system.
Using sarcasm is the Democrats’ way of coping with the political insanity, whereas justification via theory creation is the Republicans’ way of dealing with a lack of facts. Is there right-wing satire? I’ve never seen any. Is it even possible? Republicans are either mean, inflammatory, paranoid, or robots on message – never satirical or sarcastic.
During the 2012 election, even Mitt Romney gave the birthers a sly nod by a means of his massive increase in his use of the word “foreign” when talking about the President in his stump speech – coupled with direct mentions of “no one has ever asked ME for MY birth certificate”. Pathetic the depths to which he will stoop to prove to his late father that he’s worthy. When you have to rely on conspiracies to make an argument in a debate, you have a problem. The more desperate they get, the more conspiracy theories become part of Republican campaigns.
Some groups are offering rewards for “PROOF” of many Republican conspiracy theories. It’s tabloid politics on the right at this point. (Big Foot will be arriving shortly.) Pay for proof of the insanity. The gap between right-wing radio, Fox “news” and the right bloggers is getting bigger and bigger every day.
Fortune Magazine’s Katherine Eban basically proved all of the NRA’s and rather extraordinary claims by Issa of gun walking, and more astounding, the Fast & Furious conspiracy theory that developed around this “program” that it was somehow a secret plot by the Obama administration to get the American public to be a bit scared by out of control guns, and therefore push through all of the anti-second amendment laws they keep claiming Obama has hidden up his sleeve. (Remember that speech and multiple interviews with the NRA? That the Obama Administration has not done anything to restrict gun ownership is PROOF!!! Proof I say!!! that he plans on taking away all your guns! I don’t think you can get more paranoid than that.)
And one must not forget what helped the Republican icon Ronald Reagan stride into power: Panama. And now, apparently it’s back: The Panama Canal will be taken over by RED CHINA and that the result is basically the end of the world as we know it (but isn’t that always the result of a right-wing conspiracy theory?).
Even John McCain has rallied against the newest Republican Conspiracy theory that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s deputy chief of staff, Huma Aberdin, is somehow involved with the Muslim Brotherhood and basically pulling a fast one on Hillary Clinton. Four members of Congress have demanded… in writing… an investigation! Insanity.
But back to Fast & Furious conspiracies, because of the heat of the topic. Besides the point that the reason these guns crossed into Mexico (not walked) was because the laws in Arizona are so incredibly weak, that the countless times the ATF tried to get approval to sieze these guns they couldn’t due to those weak laws (because, of COURSE an 18 year old on food stamps can afford to buy $200,000 worth of guns… nooooo he’s not a straw buyer, of course not! good reasoning… but the laws are laws: the ATF was told they could NOT seize the guns) – and besides the point that this rather awesome right-wing conspiracy theory that “Fast and Furious” is a secret plot to take away your guns… what is Isaa doing? Honestly? It’s one thing to have lone ranger bloggers throw around theories, but quite another to now recommend a content of Congress vote against AG Holder, while also parroting these extreme conspiracies. At least Mitt Romney seems to have been quiet on the the actual vote, though I think safe to say he’s hardly shown any leadership to mute the insanity. Even the Speaker of the House is hiding the vote on the same day as SCOTUS handed down its majority upholding of the affordable health care act.
In the Republican Party, promoting conspiracies has become a pillar of their politics. So much so that poor John Beonher has to basically schedule votes in ways to try and hide the wacky from the news cycles as much as he can.
Does anyone else find that dynamic interesting? It’s as if the leaders (political, not money) of the Republican party basically have given up and have given space for basically any crazy theory to reach the floor of Congress. Even if it’s flat out wrong – they nevertheless don’t always endorse, but still allow it to have a voice in a place (where I believe) no such things should ever be acknowledged.
There’s the preface, now the actual question: Why don’t Democrats have a Conspiracy Theory Wing?
The Republicans have always had a long history of a small part of its party who tend to go well beyond the end-zone and bring rather entertaining conspiracy theories to the political dialog. Maybe I just don’t watch the correct cable news channel or read the correct blogs for left “conspiracies” but I have yet to find them. Left-leaning reporting is one thing, of course that’s just as prevalent as the right… but where’s the Rush, or Beck or… even now the Isaa of the Democrats? I want to know what it feels like to get all riled up about something that defies all logic, but nevertheless caters to my deep seeded political desires.
I want a funny conspiracy wing of the Democratic Party! I want to be able to turn on the radio and hear someone say that the reason John Boehner wore a red tie and gold cuff links while giving his statement after a particularly important vote was to signal the underground movement of clothing manufacturers he’s just about finished setting the stage for their upcoming invasion of the food banks of the world so that more people will have to work in sweatshops to feed their kids. I want to turn on the TV and hear someone have “IRREFUTABLE PROOF! THAT I CANNOT REVEAL” that Michele Bachmann is really a robot built by Exxon in a joint venture with Liberty University to destroy all laws restricting oil drilling at the base of Yosemite’s Half Dome, while simultaneously creating 1000 laws restricting women’s health in record time.
And even a general, umbrella conspiracy theory would be fun. Dems need one of those, too. Like how everything that the Democrats do is an assault on Freedom. Healthcare is the death of freedom. Putting checks back in place on banks…. that were there for decades and did quite well… is the death of freedom! The Dream Act is a death of freedom! Raising the debt ceiling is the death of freedom! What is that about? If freedom is so gosh darn great (which I happen to think it is), then it’s a lot stronger and can survive all those things. (And why don’t more democrats wear hats, shirts and ties with the US flag pattern? Where you freedom on your sleeve! ;))
Conspiracy theories are either embraced by people to whom they cater, or are funny to those who see through the intent of their creation. I want Democrats to have a wacko conspiracy wing because it looks like it would be a lot of fun. If politicians refuse to do anything, they should at least entertain us so we get our money’s worth.
Find other great Republican Conspiracy Theories by BuzzFeed.
Published: by | Updated: 04-21-2015 17:36:41
