What Makes Republicans Like Mindless, Mean Primates

Right-leaning and probably even moderate America: I’m here to offend, so be ready. We call them rants for a reason.

Republicans are primates in mind and soul (those who have souls). They are lower life forms in many ways. Even highly intelligent (by means of things like test scores) are lower life forms – they are not humans in that they lack humanity, and have taken money and fused it into their holy quadrality.

Half of all republicans are selfish bastards who love money – literally love it – and will throw anything and anyone under the bus for “the American dream,” which to them is not a nice white picket fence: it’s being obscenely wealthy. People can be this breed of republican regardless of their actual income. What defines this primate republican is the desire for money over all else. This is the other reason (y’all can guess the first one) why so many poor white men vote republican, especially in voting for Mitt Romney: because they want to be Mitt Romney. We’ll call these Money-Monkeys. I have one in my own extended family who is so incredibly wealthy it’s scary, and is the kind of person who votes republican every time for one reason: money. Even though many republican policies terrify him, money is paramount when it comes to voting time, so it overrules all other issues. A very smart man who, when politics and voting become the environment in which to make a choice, he whittles his soul down to his most base and selfish motivations: money to create ownership and pride. Politically primitive multi-multi-multi-millionaire.

The other half of the republican make-up are irrational nitwits who are incapable of seeing through the web of propaganda that’s thrown at them every day. We’ll call them Moody-Monkeys, because they’re the part of the pod who will stand on street corners waiving misspelled signs and screaming things like “get the government out of my medicare.” They make the noise on street corners and follow blindly with the intensity of the eyes of Michele Bachmann on too much coffee. This type of republican are a problem of over population which causes and is a symptom of low education and experience resources. (Y’all need to stop having so many babies (democrats included). The Pope banning contraception made sense 300 years ago when he needed more money in his coffers and a family needed more hands on the farm – that’s not how it works today. Every day you complain about a lack or resources and too few jobs… then stop having so many damn babies! Have you seen population growth lately? Deciding to share your glorious DNA with the world by creating more than two offspring is irresponsible and selfish. Find meaning in your lives in other ways than popping out children.)

The brilliance of the whole republican family is how half of it is über-selfish, and the other is über-persuadable (due to lack of education / diversified opinion input, not necessarily an actual level of “intelligence” – people who are capable of being smart still make bad decisions if they only information they have is false and hyperbolized). The super-selfish half of the republican party wants more power and more money, they superciliously exploit the super-stupid half of their party to gain numbers (easier when money has become a form of religion). They (the selfish half) know that they are able to pass policies that actually HURT and HARM the other half of their party, but that “the lower half” will vote for them anyway so long as you put enough fear and envy into the social and political ecosystem.

Basically, the republican party has two parts: selfish and greedy people idealizing of Ayn Rand (likely without knowing a damn thing about her history and therefore WHY she might create such a kooky objectivist outlook on life), who exploit the religious beliefs and fears of the other half of the Republican Party which gives them the numbers they need to stay in power.

Primates have very little if any empathy. We’ve seen some “appear” as though they have empathetic tendencies, but in the end, an ape will throw another under the bus if it gets him into a better position – especially the alpha apes… they’re willing to eat babies if it will keep them in the alpha position. No one…. NO ONE… can argue that the Republican Party of since 2000 has experienced a steady decline in empathetic tendencies. The Money-Monkeys don’t care about anyone. All the bull they spew about wanting to help America is nothing more than political spin to pass policies that they KNOW will benefit them, and possibly, if you look at it through a distorted lens of economics, it might help other people. Maybe. Possibly…. even though every time they’ve tried top-down economics if has NEVER worked. But since the Moody-Monkeys are so afraid that their religion is all they have left AND they envy the Money-Monkey’s as if they are gods themselves, they vote for antipathetic policies anyway: nitwits.

The human mind is capable of understanding contradiction: republicans do not have that ability (the Moody-Monkeys don’t possess the ability, and the Money-Monkeys just don’t give a crap). Extremist democrats don’t’ have this ability either. That’s one of the most prevalent problems with extremism, and as such we have a history packed of Crusades, Jihads, blue laws, and WANTING to go to war. Republicans love freakin’ wars. It’s insanity. Can’t find meaning in your miserable life because the Money-Monkeys are exploiting your ignorance and religion? Have babies and go to war – that’ll keep the Moody-Monkeys busy!

However, one large problem with the republicans are that they are ALL extremists now. Republicans can’t stay idle (freaks them out to sit quietly), so they MUST have wars and conflict and enemies to keep their minds busy and the Moody-Monkey’s active (else the Moodies will being to see the truth). I’ve lost track of how many interviews I’ve seen or conversations I’ve had with shouters-on-the-street about policies… policies… those things politicians in Washington are there to create, not Glenn Beck madness… I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to turn off the TV or walk away because of the total lack of logic. It’s simply not there. They just don’t think. All they do is absorb propaganda, get angry and then take to the streets to parrot the insanity. Nitwits. Moody-Monkeys who are a vital part to the machine create by the selfish Money-Monkeys. Show them Moody-Monkeys something shiny (like gold), and they’ll do anything; even when it’s supporting policies that will do them harm.

Humans have certain traits like empathy, culture, justice, self-improvement (not just financial), moral compasses, honor, integrity… the republicans who are leading the party don’t have any of those traits. All they have is the pursuit of money and the power that comes with it (or in Washington, the power, and then the money that will follow as a result once they leave office).

(Newt is selling DVDs. Sorry. That’s just funny. Saw a commercial on Hulu of the good ‘ole Newt and his awkward 3rd wife trying to sell a DVD about American Morality. Had to be mentioned.)

If I were to go on, it would become repetitive. Republicans re two types of primates: money and moody. One controls the other, and the one with all the control has no moral compass whatsoever. I find that unsettling.

Update and side note: I went for a bike ride after I posted this (I’m no tight-shorts and yellow jersey guy – just getting old and apparently I’m supposed to do such things now… so old jeans and a cheap bike were the result). Nice ride actually. I found some paths along the beach under trees and winding trails… then out of the overgrowth I come… off a trail onto a road where I was promptly met by an older gentleman who was very, very upset that I was on a county road (he sited county codes  and everything). I’m still confused why I was apparently not supposed to be on said road, and clearly, I was just a guy out for a ride because his doctor said so and meant no harm. Didn’t matter to this man who, like many republicans, do not understand the inherent conflict it shouting “FREEDOM!!!!” and “GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!” during the same conversation. Land ownership. People go nutty over it. I wasn’t even on the guy’s property… I was on a road… on a bicycle – he was pre-emptive striking me in case I had an idea of getting off the road and onto his property…. definitely a Moody-Monkey. (His dog was sort of nice, though. Old man might be able to learn a thing or two from Kiwi, or Kiki, or whatever the dog’s name was.)